Post Christmas Glow

Not so much a glow as a glare ....

Spent hours on the phone/texting with my nieces, Tanya, Ariel, Laurel & Beka, my nephews Joshua & Jason.  They don't even know each other but have no idea how much they are alike.  Witty repartee and biting sarcasm - I wish they could have known my Dad.  They are the next generation of the Millers.  Court jesters & entertainers.

Anyway, I digress.  My after Christmas catch up with everyone is nearly complete and everyone seems to have enjoyed their holidays but relieved they are over.  My nephew Jason got engaged, my niece, Beka, got corrective eye surgery.  Ariel recovered from her horrendously debilitating flu, Laurel got some much needed sister time, Tanya got a break from her hectic schedule & Joshua got  what he reallllly wanted for Christmas, an air conditioner (he lives in NY and its currently 19 degrees but he is looking forward to a cold summer apparently)! 

I received, in one form or another, every last thing I had on my list except a new house.  It was number one on my list but alas, Santa couldn't fit that baby on his sleigh.  I shall have to get that one for myself.

So the glare part.. in most of these conversations I realize I discussed everyone's futures except mine.  So here's mine, not calling them resolutions, but short & long term goals:

Short term goal:

Throw away every last thing in my house that I have not touched in the past year. 

Long term goal:

New House.

In between goal:

Lose 100 pounds so I can breath....again.



That's it....simple, short, direct & next to impossible.

Lord, I love a challenge.

Happy New Year, dear readers.

This Holiday Season

I was actually dreading this holiday season as my clock has started to run backwards.  One less Christmas, one less New Years, but as usual my nieces, nephews & friends have reminded me to look forward and be assured that they will take care of me when I can no longer take care of myself.

I spent this holiday, cleaning, planning, organizing and just simply laying around.  Taking time to re-establish my goals & reset my dreams.  I have talked or texted with just about everybody I know and realize that some have been drifting away and I need to take time to bring them back to the fold. 

I also realized that I have been neglecting myself lately; I need to focus inward & keep my eyes forward.  More than once my mind has drifted to the what was & what could have beens more frequently than is healthy.

We can't have that now.  I have so many things I still want to do... not a bucket list because as I tell everyone, I have done everything I ever wanted....and some things I didn't want to!  I have no regrets because each choice good or bad has gotten me to this point.

Heard a saying in a movie today:   Everything will be alright in the end.  If its not alright, you are not at the end.

I'm glad I am not at the end.

Happy New Years.

Christmas 2013

     This day is quite bittersweet for me.  It breaks my heart that my nieces & nephews are missing their daddies and I my brothers.   Not that we gathered all that much.... too much ego, pride & laughter in one room is daunting.  My siblings resisted yearly get togethers despite my efforts to organize same.  I miss my Daddy, gone a long time now.  Christmas was his favorite time of year.  He made huge breakfasts featuring champagne & turned opening gifts into a huge production.  He harassed my stepfamily unmercifully but they were charmed by him all the same.

     I suppose I should travel to one side of the country or the other, join in family holidays but I am not inclined to intrude.  All of my neighbors stay home & are outside visiting each other at this very moment.  Gotta love the mobile home park... gossip is rampant but so is easy friendships.  I've lived here nearly 20 years now & it will always be home.  I've never felt safer or more loved than here.   It is reassuring to know that if my car is in the driveway and no one sees my dogs out all day, 3 or 4 people will come check on me.  As I get older, they have become my Life Alert operators. I have the back door wide open & windows thrown up (its Florida) & a beautiful and cleansing breeze is moving through my house.  I can hear the neighbors talking, children playing and my dog, Ella, incessantly barking at everything!  Gotta love her, but she is not the smartest dog I've ever owned. 

     So this is my Christmas Day.  Freshening my house, hanging out on the steps or fence rail with friends, getting lots of texts & facebook updates from all my lovelies & reliving Christmases past.

Merry Christmas to all.

Moving & Hoarding - AGAIN

So, I am preparing to move again; yes, its been a year already.  In an effort to minimize the hassles of moving, I am yet again disposing of things I don't want to move - or make my friends move this time!! 

Anyway, I have unconsciously hoarded again -

Clothes . . . I have clothes in 10 different sizes but can only wear one size.

Newspaper for starting fires in the fireplace.  I have tons but only used the fireplace about 10 times. 

Plastic storage totes, though in fairness, most of them came from unpacking other things I got rid of.

Picture frames - the big ones 11 x 17 with no pictures to fit them.

I honestly think I should just avoid thrift stores completely.  Or I could quit moving & live with denial.

Lost my _ key today

Okay, my laptop is old & not getting any younger.  Today I lost my _ key.  I'm trying to write _-mas letters at top speed and can't believe how often I use my _ key . . . things are e_citing, e_tra money, e_tra days off, etc.   It makes me wonder what else I have lost this year beyond my brothers.

I definitely lost time, days go by & I wonder where they went - its Friday, I think its Tuesday; look at a clock thinking its late morning & its really 3:00 and on and on.

I'm so busy anticipating future commitments & plans that I have lost my Now as well.  I used to do things right when I think of them because I forget if I don't do them "Now"; so I forgot the items I wanted to search for on Craigslist; the Zyrtec coupon I was going to use; to pay my internet bill (almost lost that one); to replace the dodad that makes the horn work in my van.  You get the picture.

So I have to fi_ the _-key before my mind e_plodes!

MERRY ___-MAS & A HAPPY NE___ YEAR -

oh, shoot - there goes another one . . .

Just watching Mike & Molly and wanted to share a great line from it:

Everyone has a cross to bear, mine is made of lead & covered in fire ants.

Seemed to apply.

Melancholy

So I haven't written in a while and some of my friends are bugging me to get back at it . . . ironically I'm also bugging the blogger who originally got me started to get back to it as well.  

The truth of it is I am still in a funk from recent events & I can't seem to find my sense of the absurd.  I get some really good jokes in the email; occasionally a kid does something funny but I just can't see the Golden Glow in all the depressing fog surrounding me.   I keep telling myself just hang in until next year; 7 more weeks and I'll turn a corner.  

Maybe if I finish unpacking . . . no really there are still boxes in the living room!

Or go back to some of those old joys I can recapture the Glow . . . then it hit me.  That's exactly what I need.  I need to do puzzles again.

When I was a teenager and faced with a problem, I would do a puzzle with my Mom and we would work and talk - my problem would slip out and she would help me fix it.  She said it helped me to organize my mind, feel like I completed something and to see the big picture.

So I have been doing puzzles all over the place & now instead of a hoarder, I am a puzzler!!  I have 2 puzzles going at home.  I've been doing all kinds of puzzles on the internet to the tune of hours at a time & I've spent a lot of time in the past month or so doing jigsaw puzzles with kids and passing along my mother's wisdom.  

Its like someone threw me a rope & I just had to put it together before I could pull myself up.  Uh oh, here come the tears again . . . but they are of relief not so much sadness.

I vow to once again haunt the thrift stores & garage sales and keep puzzling my way to the top again.

Thank you to my friends for their patience, support and maintaining the distance I need to grieve in private.   Don't worry, I'll work on some punny puzzle jokes for next time.